A masquerade

What if you bf is a playboy?

What if your bf is not a playboy but a flirt?

What if your bf admires all the other girls he sees, "damn she's hot!" how would that make you feel about yourself? **Wow, am I that plain? How come he never look at me like that?**

What if your bf is loving and understanding but not caring?

What if he makes fun of you to have something to laugh about with your family, even though it hurts your feeling, he's now accepted among your family?

And how would you feel if he said you were wrong when you made funny faces when your family said "wow, serious relationship now huh?"

So, why was it right for your bf to make fun about you and tell embarrassing untrue stories, because it was a joke for him and it made your family laugh, and was wrong when you made funny faces when your family made comments about your relationship?

What if for almost all the while you've been together you've said "sorry" or "yes I'm wrong" or "yes it's all my fault" when he's only done that not more than 5 times, even though you know you deserve an apology?

Why was it OK if your bf forgets your anniversary, wished only after you wished during a fight, and ended the day in a hurtful way, and still remembers to call his so called best-girl-friend before he goes to sleep to ask things about her?

Do you wish things were different? Do you wish you were someone else? Do you wish you were single?

Sometimes people stay in a relationship in hope that one day things will change to the better.. They wish they can accept the things they can't accept now.. They hope their partner would change.. They hope their self will change.

What is mental and emotional abuse? Do you lie awake trying to sleep trying to ignore your bleeding heart? Do you want to breakup but can't and wish to death that your partner will do it? Do you cry at night wondering why they're so angry? Do you blame yourself for loving him? Do you hate that other girl? Can you go on like this for the rest of your life? Why do we all end up being in love and stupid? It's either we're clingy, or just sensitive, or our feelings are completely ignored, then there's the bias between trying to build rapport by embarrassing you and you being wrong because you made funny faces at your bf when your family made comments about him.. Either way, you always lose.

You lose because you're always wrong in an argument

You lose because it's right to be embarrassed when it's to build a relationship with your family

You lose because it's not nice to embarrass your bf in front of your family

You lose because that is who you have chosen to be with and you have to live with the insecurities, the "jokes", the woman around him.

Be content with the love and understanding, even though he's not caring. Be content that he has roving eyes but not roving hands and p*nis. Well, not really sure about the hands part though..

And if he's angry, just say you're sorry even though you know you shouldn't, because it's always your fault. Make yourself busy, don't bother to remind them about important dates, if they forget, it's because they have other things to think about. And yes, if you don't go out on a date anymore, it's because dating with other people is much much more fun than with you. Don't be sad, he'll still spend time with you, it's just that he'll have fun with other "friends".

Try and love him for who he is, even though it hurts to the very core of your soul. I know you want to leave and I know the reason why you're still here. You'd like to fix things, and you'd like to wait until you get use to it. For now, just cry yourself to sleep, quietly. Tomorrow, when you see him, put on a mask, the brave face you call it. Try your best. Sooner or later, both of you have to decide what you actually want in this relationship.

Good luck.

Wear a mask on a masquerade